So, here is the scoop.  At this moment I should be sleeping and unconsciously anticipating a long, nerve-racking, crazy, 11 hour-ish flight to Ireland.  Well, hurricane Irene has put a stop to that.  Our flight was cancelled and postponed for about a week.  I wouldn't mind except now I don't know what to do with myself to pass the time between now and then.  I was thinking maybe I could finish all of my half-finished (and may I say now unwanted) projects that have been gathering dust in my closet for the past billion years.  But that would be too productive and frankly I don't feel like doing anything.  It seems like all I have done for past several months is just "go."  And not necessarily in any direction or progressing but continuously and haphazardly moving in one place.  So I have made a plan called, "Find Yourself in Ireland."  It's a catchy title if I do say so myself.
I have thought a lot about where I want to take my life and have decided that I can become the person I want to be by making and working towards some goals.  I tried looking for the book "Where to Take Your Life and How to Get There."  Too bad it doesn't exist.  But given that there isn't such a wise book or a crystal ball that can tell us where our life will take us, I guess it is up to us to drive our lives.  So, here are my goals that I am planning on working on while I am disconnected from the world I know now (a.k.a. living in Ireland.)


1.  Learn to Initiate Conversation
     --Often times I find myself in the self-inflicted awkwardness of not knowing how to act or what to say around a new acquaintance or a complete stranger.  I stand there, trying to look everywhere except at them, trying unsuccessfully to look busy on my phone or watching the crowd, and in the end I realize that what was the opportune moment to meet this person has gone out the window.  It is a tragedy.  Therefore what started out as a slight feeling of discomfort when being in the presence of someone new becomes a colossal sensation that starts with a thumping heart and moves to heat your face and ears to an uncomfortable level (I bet if you put a meat thermometer up to your skin it would be to at least 165 degrees.)  It's not pleasant.  So my theory is that you are better off filling the air with random questions or spilling your whole life story in a minute to this person you don't know.  Recipe for instant friend.
Since this is operation "Give Natalie Social Skills" and I am only learning how to initiate conversation, I think I will start at the pubs, where half the people are drunk off of Guinness and the other from the live music.  Our conversation, that will probably nose-dive, won't be remembered.


2.  Blossom
     --I have a crazy and quirky side to me that not many people are able to discover.  It takes years to knock down the fortress I have built around me.  I wish I could blame these walls on the hurt caused by rancid/toxic friendships; while they have added to the problem I think the main reason is me.  I don't feel comfortable in my own skin and therefore don't let others in to witness what I see as not whole.  My perception is probably skewed and is something I want to change.   I want to feel good in knowing that I am me.  I want to feel like a complete and whole being.  So in this challenge for myself I am going to let my personality become.  I am going to wear blood-red lipstick if I feel like it, or wear skirts for no reason, or dance in the rain, be spontaneous daily, sing at the top of my lungs in the shower, maybe sing at the top of my lungs in the park.  I feel like I need to live a little bit more free in order to find out exactly who I am as a person.  I may lay off on the coloring my hair with washable markers...sometimes the marker doesn't come out.  Just sayin'.  I need more people in my life and want to avoid repelling them by having a light, fun personality.


3.  Honesty
     --Have you ever met someone who is not afraid to say it how it is and not sugar coat?  I know a someone who is like this.  I have watched her and noticed that she always tells her honest opinion, even if said opinion is not totally positive.  Yet she does it in a way that is not offensive and actually often times results in constructive criticism.  This is a skill I woefully lack yet want to acquire.  I am sick of dancing around the issue and want to hit it head on.  I am ready to start this and will begin by saying...I am not really sure.  I can't think of an opinion slash view I would like to share.  But when I do I will let you know.


While I have way more things on my list of "Finding Myself in Ireland," these are in my top 10...even though I only wrote 3.  


I still haven't solved my issue of what to do for the next week but am feeling great about my well-being and who I will become.